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I've learned a lot since I've been in LA and I feel it's my duty to all you dreamers to tell you the truth about life here. To crush all your desires and aspirations.
Have you ever wanted to burn your neighbor's fucking house down? Here's how you can tell if you have to worry about one of them doing the same.
As an American in a foreign land, a question I hear a lot is, "Have you ever met any Hollywood celebrities?" As a newspaper reporter and a bartender, the answer is a resounding yes.
Words, ideas and inventions may seem insignificant, but it's often their impact that is way bigger than any shockingly large technological contraption.
Throughout history, the Catholic Church has been burdened with the daunting task of becoming the world’s buffer against our primitive savagery, the collapse of morality, and non-whites from smiling in public.
While you may think "Gangnam Style" is hilarious, so much of the stuff in it is true about Korea: women do sexy yoga in the park, gangsters and fat guys sit in the sauna.
The difference between Rick Santorum and my dog is that one humps random guys' legs and the other is a cocker spaniel named Betsy.
From Betsy Haynes, critically acclaimed author of a bunch of dumb shit my girlfriend reads, comes this chilling thrill ride masterpiece of absolute crap from the year of our lord, 1994.
Being white, handsome, and taller than most locals, being disguised as Super Mario made me the most talked about item in Korean history.
Since I already owned the red hat and suspenders, and had grown a beard, I decided to dress up as Mario again this year, to the delight of every Korean person everywhere.
Sometimes a movie's terror creates a vortex of fear that spins you until the force sends you flying off into the depths of the cold, lifeless abyss. Fuckin' shit's scary.
Any asshole can write a list of things they hate about list-oriented comedy with little effort. It takes a more sophisticated asshole to make fun of list-writing list-haters, in list form.