Scene: Our hero and his Organs ready themselves to enter the shower for some "adult time."
KC: Sex in the shower. Is there a better thing in the world?
BRAIN: Shakespeare?
KC: Seriously, shut up.
JUNK: Being naked is awesome, but being naked with a girl is awesomer. Being naked with a girl in the shower with all the suds and water and stuff is awesomest.
KC: There we go, Junk. Finally, we agree.
MEKANECK: (KC's titanium neck, in case you forgot) *Gzzz-ert!* Remember in the hospital, after all of you met me for the first time and that nurse gave us **Dee-Doot!* a sponge bath? That too should be classified as awesome!
KC: No, that sucked.
MEKANECK: Do not compute. *Bleep-boop* You just said—
JUNK: I had a garden-hose-sized catheter you fucking abomination!
BRAIN: And that little sponge bath and everything cost us $100,000! Or would have if we didn't have insurance.
KC: And, I don't know, do you dicks remember almost DYING three times!
BRAIN: Actually, it was four, but you don't remember the other one.
EYES: She's nekkid!
JUNK: Let's fuck!
"Um, baby. We're standing and in the shower and we drink a lot of diet soda. So we're all good. Also, we're going to pull out."HANDS: I want to put soap on her boobs! Then feel them. Forever. And ever.
NOSE: Her hair smells like roses. Or girls. Or something nice.
MOUTH: Ew. That soap doesn't taste good.
KC: Mouth! Why do you always do that?
BUTT: Should I fart and give her a Turkish Oven?
KC: No. Absolutely not.
EYES: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!
HANDS: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!
MOUTH: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!
JUNK: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!
KC: Boobs! Butts! Vaginers!
OLD CLICKY: (KC's fake knee, in case you forgot) Gee wallaby whiz. Sure is hot, I think I'm going to sleep.
KC: You too. Shut up.
JUNK: Okay, that's been at least two minutes of foreplay. Put me in.
KC: Yes sir.
JUNK: Oh. My. God. I'm in Heaven.
EARS: Uh, she's saying something about getting a condom.
JUNK: Tell her to shut up.
KC: Don't say that.
EARS: She's really being insistent.
JUNK: Fuuuck. Just tell her we're safe.
MOUTH: "It's okay, baby. I'm clean. You're clean. Let's get dirty."
KC: Judas priest you're an idiot.
EARS: She's not backing down. She really wants some protection.
KC: Ummmmmm.
JUNK: Holy shit, you dumbasses. Tell her this: 1. We're standing up. 2. We're in the shower. 3. We drank a Coke Zero today. All those things make it impossible to get pregnant. What do you say, KC? Mouth?
KC: Didn't we learn all that shit in the middle school gym locker room?
BRAIN: And didn't we learn all that shit was bullshit in American public junior high school health class?
JUNK: And we'll pull out. I promise I won't screw this up. It feels sooooo true right now. Seriously, who are you going to listen to? Me, or Brain?
BRAIN: We went to public school and then Catholic high school. I'm not going to lie, our sex ed was pretty lacking.
JUNK: No shit. I'm pretty sure I read that Coke Zero makes you sterile.
MOUTH: "Um, baby. We're standing and in the shower and we drink a lot of diet soda. So we're all good. Also, we're going to pull out."
EARS: She said, "Grrrrrrrrr. Fine. Okay. Just make sure to pull out or I'll kill you. Asshole."
JUNK: …Fuck. Too late. Whatever. Seriously, I'm pretty sure standing, shower, and Coke Zero takes care of any possibility of babies. Also, isn't this a Tuesday in a Leap Year. Who cares? We're cool.
KC: And we wonder why we've been single for so long. Okay, let's pretend to orgasm again so she's not suspicious…. Now!
JUNK: Okay, pulling out…. Now!
KC: Everybody go really jiggly. Eyes, rolled backwards or something.
EYES: I already did that.
KC: Do it again! Mouth, get all groany.
MOUTH: "Grrrr."
KC: Groan, not growl. Asshole.
MOUTH: "Arrrrg."
BRAIN: Why is faking an orgasm sometimes harder than getting a real one?
KC: Just shut up and let's take a nap.
JUNK: Way ahead of you, dogg.
END
Tune in next time for "My Organs and I Experience a Pregnancy Scare."