It's funny listening to American representatives condemn Russia for invading an oil-rich country without first consulting the UN. It's like that one time growing up when my dad caught me drinking whiskey while he was drunk. The ensuing lecture didn't really take.
I don't know about you, but I was just shocked to learn that China's government could be less than honest about its representatives in the Olympics, its special effects and its ugly little girls. China always seemed so open-minded to me back when they were rolling tanks over student protestors twenty years ago. Goes to show you don't ever know and all that.
Is it really taking advantage of a drunk girl if you're the one who bought all her drinks?
Don't answer that.
How come people from Seattle think they're the only ones on the planet with brains in their heads? Is it the rain? All the caffeine? Or is their snobbish intelligence a direct result from trying to rationalize living in the meteorological equivalent of a cold shower?
Not for nothing, but Florida has some of the dumbest criminals in the world. I just wanted that on the record.
Dating college chicks when you work banker's hours is a lot like being a Chinese gymnast training for the Olympics. You got to work out all the time, get plenty of rest, drink plenty of fluids and lie about your age. 
Factoid to give hope to every stoner American in the world: Ping Pong is an Olympic sport. They call it Table Tennis though because Ping Pong sounds like something a loser would play in his mom's basement whereas Table Tennis sounds like some kind of impossible match up of animated furniture. And that's freaking cool.
I like to think that if some ancient Greek dude showed up here through some kind of time traveling gimmick and saw the Olympics, he would say something like, "Whoa, this shit's still going on. You people need to move on. Quit living in the past. Sheesh."
2008 will be the last year that baseball or softball will be Olympic sports. On a related note, the International Olympic Committee can suck my balls.
The Little League World Series would be a lot cooler if each team had a representative MILF. I mean, there could be photo shoots, calendars, adult videos and wild after parties. Little League needs to work on this.
And finally, because logic and fluidity are trying to convince a nineteen year old chick that they're only twenty-two, I leave you with the following, which I overheard at a birthday party.
"Do you prefer saline or silicone breasts?"