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Minute 4: I cut out all fake friends, they’re leeches.

You're eleven, and first thing's first---everybody is going to be super impressed that you, an eleven-year-old, are already reading Hemingway.

After my performance last Saturday, I cannot in good conscience accept this participation ribbon.

I’ve been going in there (dark places in my mind) and destroying it (crying)! I take no prisoners (except myself)!

“Compromising Information” refers primarily to the eggnog-induced confessions that occurred around the fire pit on Christmas Eve.

In those days, the money and pool snacks seemed to flow as freely as the hose we used to spray down the concrete when some kid dropped his nachos.

Not enough soda // A side dish that inexplicably calls for three sticks of cream cheese

I read a novella, and then I read a novel, and then I wrote a novel, and then I got it published.

Our nuclear plant is verging on meltdown, and the key to stability lies in our vital AWS EC2 instance managed by former employee Ethan Reynolds.

We’ve become one of those vanilla, mass-produced corporate couples we never wanted to be. Our relationship is nothing more than a light-hearted romp.

I think we can all agree that Janet’s character development has been virtually nonexistent since her divorce from Paul.

7:00 AM: Strategize – Inform your boss that you will be working remotely. Why? Get creative.