After a few years of listening to this thing over and over again, I have come to some conclusions about the Christmas song Holly Jolly Christmas. And I know you'll be surprised to hear this, but I believe that Holly Jolly Christmas is a ploy by degenerates to get people drunk and taken advantage of. I mean, just look at the lyrics here:
Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
It's the best time of the year
I don't know if there'll be snow
but have a cup of cheer
Notice how this starts off. First, our narrator is all like, "Hey man, have a great Christmas. This is the best time of the year." And then, as if in response to a question, our narrator is all like, "I don't know if there's gonna be snow, dude, but here, get drunk." That's just great huh? In these politically correct times with drunk drivers killing thousands of people annually. I'm guessing this song was written back when drinking and driving was fashionable or something. Anyway, it gets worse.
Have a holly, jolly Christmas;
And when you walk down the street
Say Hello to friends you know
and everyone you meet.
If taken literally, the above verse is meaningless. I mean, you MUST say hello to everyone you meet or else how else would you meet them? But taken figuratively, our narrator seems to be inviting people to get drunk and harass strangers. Take it from one who knows, that kind of behavior typically lands you in jail or in the beds of strange women.
Oh Ho the mistletoe
hung where you can see;
Somebody waits for you;
Kiss her once for me
By this point in the song, our narrator has you drunk and talking with random strangers (on the street, no less) and kissing a random "somebody" under freaking mistletoe. This damn song is like a lesson in personal irresponsibility.
Have a holly jolly Christmas
and in case you didn't hear
Oh by golly have a holly jolly Christmas this year
Yeah, have a holly jolly Christmas and get drunk and harass strangers and kiss people under plants. That sounds like a great time. This song was clearly written by a heathen.
Christmas is a time for giving, sharing and loving, people. But if you want to get all holly and wasted and jolly and raped, you go ahead and follow the steps outlined in this tune.
But don't say I didn't warn you.