We’re sorry to see you go! What is your reason for unsubscribing?
- I no longer want to receive these emails.
- I am not interested in emails such as these.
- My passion for these messages has with time been exhausted.
- I am interested in not receiving these emails.
- I detest these emails.
- I subscribed by accident.
- I subscribed to remove myself from an awkward social situation.
- I subscribed out of an intense but unrequited crush.
- The content of this email is offensive.
- These emails support the Dutch. I am Anti-Dutch.
- These emails support the Anti-Dutch but I am Dutch.
- In truth, I only subscribed out of loneliness.
- In the whole wide world, there is hardly a little boy lonelier than me.
- The void is my familiar.
- I felt so empty and lonesome, but if I receive many emails, I thought, perhaps some relief can be had?
- And it worked, for a time.
- But I grew tired of the emails I was getting.
- I signed up for more, which helped.
- But it only worked for a while.
- More, always more, more subscriptions, more email lists.
- The local aquarium alerted me twice daily to a special exhibit of otters.
- My computer strained under the effort of receiving so many messages.
- I burned through six phones.
- My girlfriend Susan grew concerned.
- This being Susan, who had supported my little cartoons and encouraged my dreams of becoming one day a cartoonist.
- Susan said it was her or the emails.
- Once Susan was gone, it got easier to subscribe to more emails.
- Then, one day, it happened.
- I hit rock bottom.
- There were no more emails to get. I had subscribed to them all.
- Even to each and every Brooklyn journalist’s Substack.
- I stopped eating, stopped drinking.
- My neighbor who lives alone grew concerned and called my sister, who he had dated in high school and still thought of often.
- My sister and her husband picked me up from the hospital but demanded that I make a change.
- I tried Inbox Zero.
- I am trying therapy.
- I am trying yoga.
- I am making progress.
- Progress is slow.
- Recovery is a journey.
- I no longer want to receive these emails.
- I no longer want to be the person who receives these emails.
- This is the last email I subscribe to.
- I do not wish to receive these messages.
- Besides, I rarely, if ever, shop at The Gap.
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