I take care of two bitches: one black and one yellow. That's right, I don't discriminate. Both of them are pretty stupid, but I keep these dumb bitches for companionship, I don't want them doing my taxes—their only jobs are to love me and be my bitch.
The other day the ladies and I walked the streets and I said some derogatory remark and some geezer said, "Hey, watch your language! Those girls have feelings too, you know!"
So I did what any man with bitches would do. I yelled, "Shut the fuck up old man! That's right! Go back and water your lawn! Mind your own business and I'll mind to my bitches!" Then I told my bitches, "Shut the fuck up! (Again.) Quit causing scenes and get back in line! Fucking bitches!"
Sometimes I tell the yellow one, "You better fucking behave or you're going right back to the Chinese food store I rescued you from." Then I yell at the black one, "You want to go back to that shitheap hood you came from? I can send you right back." People always gasp and look up at me like I'm the cruelest motherfucker out there, but most squareheads don't understand bitches the way I do. These dishonest women need discipline like they need their daily doses.
I let my bitches kiss me, but I never kiss them back. I don't want their nasty lips on mine. You never know where their nasty-ass mouths have been.
The point is, they're my bitches. I put a roof over their head. My bitches don't run to the shelter, because they don't need to. They always come back to me even though they never leave. I feed them, but they're always still hungry—especially the God-damned black one. The yellow one just whines all the damned time. At night, I'm the one who listens to them both snore. Some bitches get a deviated septum from too much sniffing, if you know what I mean.
These bitches work for me, but it's a lot better me than working for somebody else. Their job is to love me, and whoever else I want them to love. No complaining, no whining. That isn't too much to ask of a bitch.
Gettin' much love from my bitches.