Dear Friends,
I cherish having you in my life. Spending time with you brings me immense joy. Some of you have been friends with me for years. You were by my side since the first time low-rise jeans came into fashion and you stayed by my side during my brief goth phase. Others of you are more recent friends—I hope you’re enjoying my daily eight-minute audios recapping my life. Please remind me to show you the photos from my brief goth phase.
As you are well aware, it is now officially the fall season, and as is customary with the changing of the leaves, I, too, will be changing into a Fairweather Friend (literally). Fairweather Friend Season commences with the onset of colder temperatures, and/or bird migration, and/or closed-toed shoes. It concludes with the first appearance of May flowers and also my birthday.
During the Fairweather Friend Season, I will continue to respond to all your texts, emails, DMs, and audio messages. I will even talk to you on the phone or FaceTime (if you arrange it with proper notice and send me a calendar invite). I will also rewatch all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls with you (from our respective homes, of course) and text you every time Rory kisses weird.
For any activities that involve me leaving my house, please review the guidelines below so we can have a successful Fairweather Friend Season.
- I will come to one dinner at your house with the caveat that if it’s cloudy, raining, sleeting, hailing, snowing, below 30° F, or just really really dark, I will opt out with a text that just says, “Nope.”
- I will come out to one restaurant with you. You will pick the restaurant, make the reservation, and help me choose an outfit to wear that does not require a bra. The restaurant must be within walking distance from my house and serve soup. I may not order the soup, but it needs to be available. If it’s cloudy, raining, sleeting, hailing, snowing, below 30° F, or just really really dark, I will opt out with a text that just says, “Nope.”
- I will go to one entertainment event with you, including but not limited to a cozy theater performance, a cozy dance performance, a cozy book reading, or a cozy concert. You will have to buy the tickets, talk me into going, then talk me into going again on the day of the event, guarantee that there is assigned seating and that we won’t have to wait in line to get in, pick me up from my house, drive me back to my house, make me Sleepytime tea and tuck me in. If it’s cloudy, raining, sleeting, hailing, snowing, below 30° F, or just really really dark, I will opt out with a text that just says, “Nope.”
No matter the season, though, I am still, first and foremost, your friend. So if something important comes up that you need to talk to me about in person, I am here for you always—as long as the “something important” falls into the category of “life or death.” Please try not to have any “life or death” situations come up when it’s cloudy, raining, sleeting, hailing, snowing, below 30° F, or just really really dark. Otherwise, you know what the text will say.
Thank you for being my friend. I appreciate your patience and cooperation during this Fairweather Friend Season. I look forward to hanging out with you next summer.
Warm Regards,
Viktoria