Saturday, September 14
Hello Ira! Thank you for visiting Mug Half Full Coffee Shop! As a new customer, we have opted you into our SMS notifications system. Your purchase today earned you 12 Rewards Points. When you reach 10,000 Rewards Points you can redeem your Rewards Points for a Free Large Coffee! Text STOP to opt out of our SMS notification system.
Text STOP twice if you texted STOP once by accident and didn’t mean to text STOP the first time.
Text HOW if you are wondering how we got your number even though we didn’t ask you for any personal information and you paid with cash.
Text IGNORANCE IS BLISS if you’re now realizing it would probably be more upsetting to know how we got your number than to simply accept it and move on.
Our algorithm interprets your lack of a response as a sign that you don’t mind receiving regular SMS notifications. Thank you for your feedback! We appreciate your implicit engagement with our automated SMS notification system.
Monday, September 16
You didn’t visit Mug Half Full Coffee Shop yesterday.
Or wait, we mean: Text YES if you didn’t visit Mug Half Full Coffee Shop yesterday.
Text ANOTHER COFFEE SHOP if you visited a different coffee shop yesterday.
Text MISSED YOU if you missed us yesterday when you didn’t visit Mug Half Full Coffee Shop.
Just saying, if you were an automated SMS notification system and you texted us “Text MISSED YOU if you missed me yesterday.” We would text MISSED YOU.
Text YOU’RE COMING ON TOO STRONG if you want things to move more slowly between you and the Mug Half Full Coffee Shop automated SMS notification system.
Your silence is deafening. We apologize for the inconvenience and we hope to see you again soon at Mug Half Full Coffee Shop.
Wednesday, September 18
It took everything in us not to TEXT YOU last night.
You don’t have to text I FEEL THE SAME WAY, but we just need to tell you how we feel. Ever since you came into Mug Half Full Coffee Shop we haven’t been able to think about anything else. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh. We only spoke for a moment but in that fleeting moment we could tell you were someone special.
Text SOMETHING, ANYTHING, please the silence is killing us.
Thursday, September 19
Hello Ira! Come on down to Mug Half Full Coffee Shop! You have 100,000,000 Rewards Points. When you reach 100,000,000 Rewards Points you can redeem your Rewards Points for Literally Anything You Want so please just come in!
Text STOP to opt out of our SMS notification system, or text RECONSIDERED if you’ve thought more about our conversation and are willing to give this a try.