Spacious one room studio available. Great location in city center. Easy access to public transit.
The Unit is in an apartment complex. Please do not be put off by the door man. He may ask if you have a ticket but that’s just a formality. The code is #8355 after dark.
The complex does have the name “The Zoo” in big letters in the front and we have statues of animals everywhere. This isn’t because this is actually a zoo. The super is just really into public art and loves nature. Don’t worry about it.
And you know what? What if this was the zoo? Would that be so bad? You would still stay here if the price was right. Right? It’s not a zoo by the way. It just says it on all of the walls and stuff. Remember the super, nature lover, a little eccentric.
It’s not by the way. This is an Airbnb. You rent out a rustic cabin, nobody expects to have to pan for gold. It’s about atmosphere.
Speaking of which, you want a sense of camping and the great outdoors, this quirky rental is for you. Where you’ll be staying has a heated rock with a lot of back support. You won’t even need a blanket when you sleep. The bath is designed to look like a little bond and there’s even a swinging rope to get a work out in.
In keeping with our design, the ceiling is painted sky blue and the rooms design takes after the forests of Gabon.
Meals will be provided in the form of nuts, fruits and some pellets. Shoveled in twice a day.
There are two draw backs. I will also be staying with you in the unit. We will share the space while you stay. You’ll know me because I am almost five and half feet tall but weigh 370 pounds. A little on the big side but hey, I won’t judge you. Normally I’m pretty chill but I don’t like being surprised. If you have any questions please ask in a non-threatening manner. I am alpha. This is my territory, you are a guest.
The other one is that there is a huge glass window on one side that tourists come and look through sometimes.
You may be reading this and think, this listing is just a gorilla enclosure at the zoo. I am never staying here in my life. Okay. Maybe it is the gorilla enclosure at the zoo, maybe it isn’t. Maybe you’ll stay here, maybe you won’t. Life is full of maybes.
You may also be thinking, how is a gorilla listing his enclosure on Airbnb? Also not something you should worry about. You should worry about how you can’t seem to book the Marriott.
Listen, these days, we all need a side hustle. You have to get inventive. All I ask is that you do not tell anyone that you’re here. Or at the very least wear a some kind of apparel that features of a lot of black fur. Things will end bad for me if they think a human being is in the enclosure with me.
All this being said, if you do book, it would be nice if you brought a few bushels of bananas.