Hey man!
I’m not sure if you remember me, but I bet you remember what today is: the one-year anniversary of the day I sold you my couch on Craigslist! Time really does fly, huh?
How’ve you been? How’s the couch treating you? I have many fond memories of that couch, as I told you when you came by to pick it up from my place on that fateful day one year ago.
But alas, my friend who I was moving in with had a technically nicer couch and we just had no space or need for two couches. His couch is fine, but between you and me, I think mine—well, now yours, I guess—is more comfortable, especially to lay out on.
Anyway, enough about the couch. How was your year? Did you take any big trips? I did a little backcountry camping in Glacier National Park with my girlfriend. Have you ever been? It’s spectacular.
Ok, well, just wanted to check in. No need to email back.
Hello again!
Can you believe it’s now been two years since I sold you my couch? It’s hard to imagine. It seems like just yesterday I put the ad up on Craigslist and then you responded almost immediately offering $200 for it. I think that was the easiest Craigslist exchange I’ve ever had.
So how’s it going? Anything new? Oddly enough, I’m currently writing this email from my roommate’s couch, which I’m not crazy about, to be perfectly honest.
Do you still have that green shirt you were wearing the day you came to pick my couch up?
I’ve been mostly ok. I don’t know if you remember me mentioning her in my last email to you, but my girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago. No hard feelings or anything. Sometimes people just drift apart. I’m sure you know how it is.
How’s the couch these days? Are you happy with it? I hope so.
Anyway, I’m sure you’re busy. Take care.
P.S. Full disclosure: My girlfriend and I did make love on that couch.
Hey buddy.
I’m as amazed as you are but three whole years ago today, I sold you my couch. It really doesn’t feel like it’s been three years at all, right? I hope both of you (you and the couch, that is) are hanging in there.
I still think about that couch sometimes, especially whenever I try to nap on my roommate’s couch and wake up incredibly stiff and sore on account of how extremely uncomfortable his couch is all the time. So it goes.
Not much is new with me. I recently caught a screening of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Have you ever seen it? I found it to be really thrilling and thought-provoking.
Ok well, I’m off to my cooking class. We’re learning how to make dumplings today.
I really hope you’re getting these emails.
Four years!
In the amount of time since I sold you my couch, a U.S. President could have served an entire term in office. Pretty remarkable.
How’s that couch holding up these days anyway? I bet in couch years it’d be like 60 haha.
Some bad news: I was recently in an accident riding my bicycle and broke my arm in two places. It was not pleasant, to say the least. So I’ve spent the last few days recovering in bed (which is infinitely preferable to my roommate’s uncomfortable couch which is also quite ugly and gaudy, frankly). Otherwise things are good here.
Oh, I meant to ask, was that guy who came with you four years ago to pick up my couch your friend or relative or co-worker or something? You didn’t seem particularly close. Just an observation. Don’t mean to pry into your personal life.
Please tell the couch I said hello. I’ll email you again in one year.
The inexorable march of time continues apace as we arrive at the five-year anniversary of the day you and your friend (or whoever he was) appeared on my doorstep like two harbingers of doom and separated me from the most important piece of furniture in my life.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t regret selling the couch to you.
Nothing personal. I lie awake most nights just fantasizing about going back in time and telling myself to keep the couch, even if it meant simply putting it away in storage for a while until I could convince my roommate to sell his god-awful couch instead. But that’s life. We make choices, and then we live with their consequences. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that. It’d bring me quite a bit of joy to at least know the couch is making you happy, but I know you’ve probably got a lot on your plate.
Have you come across any interesting articles lately? I read a pretty fascinating thing about climate change in Europe, can’t remember where. It doesn’t matter.
Ok well, all the best.
Six years. Wow.
Hey man, be honest with me: do you even appreciate the couch? I don’t mean, “Do you use the couch?” I mean like, do you actually value your time on that couch, or is it just another thing you’ve accumulated in your life? Something you take for granted because it’s always around and you never have to worry about it just one day, all of a sudden, no longer being there. Something to think about.
Sorry, I’m pretty drunk.
Amazing news: My roommate is moving in with his fiancé and he’s taking his terrible, wretched, piece of shit couch with him! I know it hasn’t quite been seven years yet, but I figured you’ve had plenty of time to enjoy my couch, so I can take my couch back now, and you can use the opportunity to buy a brand new couch. A win/win!
Please let me know when you and that other guy can bring the couch back to me. The sooner the better.
Man, I’m so glad we stayed in touch.