Sunday
Mild and sunny, with occasional snoring from the guy passed out on the upstairs balcony. Prepare for mid-afternoon bellows after his girlfriend lumbers over to use his phone and discovers naked pictures of her now-former best friend on his phone.
Monday
Gentle rain of cigarette butts as the guy upstairs chain-smokes his way through the afternoon and uses the cracks in the balcony floor as an ashtray. Flame-retardant head coverings are advised. All-day state of smog due to vacuum effect created by patio roof. Breathing at any time today will be hazardous to health and is not advised.
Tuesday
As the emotional state of the guy upstairs shifts to anger, prepare for loud crashes and flying shards of broken glass as he hurls beer bottles at the sidewalk. Rage will be lessened by nightfall, at which point expect a shift to tears and off-key singing.
Wednesday
Guy upstairs' bros rally to drink and scream at any bitches that dare to walk by on the communal sidewalk. Prepare for tremors on the patio and throughout the entire building when the upstairs brofest decides to start stomping on the floor in what is presumably some sort of mating ritual.
Thursday
Beginning around 11 pm prepare for occasional showers of vomit as whatever half-conscious girl the guy upstairs managed to bring home retches up a malodorous concoction of cheap beer and vodka. Don't forget to bring an umbrella!
Friday
11 am will bring the guy upstairs' best friend directly outside the railing to sway unsteadily and scream at him because it turns out the girl the guy upstairs brought home last night is his best friend's girlfriend. Once the guy upstairs has shuffled back inside to get away from the noise, his best friend will realize how badly he needs to pee. Due to maintained inebriation, he will miss the bushes and drench the patio railing instead.
Saturday
4am: Guy upstairs and his friends manage to swerve their way home. While they may technically make it into a parking space, they will most likely continue through the parking space, through the bushes, and through the patio railing. Sitting on or near patio at this time is not advised, as splintered wood is generally not recommended for piercing internal organs.