Charlton Heston died this weekend and I went FOUR FULL FUCKING DAYS without knowing this. Usually I'm on top of this stuff. I knew Heath Ledger was going to die seventeen days before he actually did.
I guess lately though I've been in a bit of a cocoon, on purpose. I've been focusing all energies on my comedy writings and drinking, which sometimes go hand in hand. I've also been going through some kind of meaning-of-life-search/nervous breakdown/midlife crisis. I've turned off my cell phone, my television, and try to limit my computer usage. So far, no progress on the whole meaning of life thing, but some good comedy is being churned up at the PIC factory.
But still, I should've known about this death. Charlton Heston was like a father to me…in that I never see him, he's really crazy and like guns, and occasionally dies.
Anyways, enough about my life. We're gathered here today to talk about Charlton Heston's life, or lack thereof. Heston's family released a statement, reading, “Charlton Heston was seen by the world as larger than life. He was known for his chiselled jaw, broad shoulders and resonating voice, and, of course, for the roles he played.”
Let me dissect this a little bit. Okay, he was seen as ‘larger than life,' but obviously disproved this by dying. Not a good thing to say about someone in their obituary. Or maybe they mean he's too good for life, so much better than Life that he just had to up and die on us. Nextly, in this important statement, which is supposed to show the world and your dead family member how you feel about them, instead of mentioning any good qualities he may have had or any good work he may have done in his life, they describe his face, body, and throat in vivid detail. And oh, he did some movies, too.
So when I die, my family will release a statement:
“Well, we didn't really know Paul ‘Paul' Frank, but he was known for his inability to grow facial hair, imperfect posture, and normal ears. He was actively involved in many films (watched pornography for hours on end). Give 'em Hell, Paul.”
That's it for this post, children. I think that's about all I can say about Charlton Heston. All I actually really know about him is that I thought he was a dick after seeing Bowling For Columbine, but then realized that Michael Moore was the dick.
P.S. Paul Frank will soon be spreading across the Points in Case site like a virus. A soon-to-be-titled column will be coming soon, as well as some soon-to-be-front-page'd front pagers! HINT: The front-pagers will be about janitors, explaining tragedies to children, Wal-Mart, and how to dispose of that Viatnamese family that's been dead in your basement, taking up space and just smellin' up the place.
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