If I was to say that USF is going to lose tomorrow night in their Friday night game with WVU, I'd be a liar.
However, I should add, I'd be such only as a result of the lies of omission.
And because I'm a good-natured guy (I really am), and I hate being a liar, I thought I'd give you a few truths that have yet to be brought to light in the last few days…
Not only is USF going to lose to my beloved Mountaineers, they're going to be completely embarrassed, totally emasculated, and wholly engulfed in utter despondency.
During the game, your quarterback will cry and for every tear I see, I will drink a beer of celebration. When his offensive line, incapable of feeling or expression human emotion on account of how fucking stupid they are, will rub their chins along the turf in circles, yelling “ARUGH.” I will find this hilarious.
Around half-time, your coach will have to put in the second string, because ol' Steve Slaton will have lowered the morale of those pussy’s you all call starters so low that they'll have taken up jobs as Insurance Reps (heh :P)
After the game, each and every USF coach, player, and fan will go home and slit their wrists and leave no suicide note, as it will be assumed that their worth is based on their ability to play, coach and watch a shitty football squad.
A team comparable to the Little Giants…only a team of losers who actually lose.
And if you think this is just my opinion, I want you to think of this logically for one second…do Mountaineers—those country-boy, Appalachian stump-jumpin’, wife-beatin' hillbillies—ever lose to bulls?
Hell No!
I say, “42-14” and I’m being nice.
I say, “y’all will go down” and I’m a liar of omissions.
I say, “fuck 8 seconds, we're going to ride your pansy-ass team all night”
And my conscious is finally guilt-free.
This ain't Pamplona, big dog. This is College Football