My Dearest Roxy,
In response to your letter, please allow me to retort with the following:
First of all, you can't limit the “walk of shame” to only women. We men have our own version of the walk of shame as well. That is, if a guy takes a girl home drunkenly and in the morning he realizes that no sex was had, he must trudge the commons with his head hung low, forever bearing the scarlet letter of P (for “Played.”) To say that women are the only gender subject to this plight is, well, specious and retarded.
Secondly, I want to do you. There really is no way around it at this point. You don't have to call or reciprocate, because we all know that you're too proud to admit it; just a little acknowledgement that you'd like it as much as I would.
After all, hate fucking is the best kinda fucking.
Agape and very sincerely,
A four letter word for “Gaudio”