It's hard to write comedy in a suit and tie. It's hard to study the stock market drunk. But I can write comedy drunk. And I love drinking. And I love writing. And I love comedy. I think I love the stock market also, but I hate suits and I really hate ties. So comedy writing wins. Now, if only I remembered how to be funny.
Two Jews walk into a bar, say they're tired of all the stereotypes and then order the most expensive meal on the menu, for half its listed price. The waitress explains that the price is set and cannot be negotiated. One of the Jews pulls a .45 from his suit pocket, fires three bullets into the wall behind the waitress's head. “Told you we were tired of the stereotypes,” the older Jew said as the pair walked out the door.
It's tough trying to be funny when you're really sad, unless you find it funny that you're sad, which is kind of fucked up. And fucked up things are always funny. Even when they're really sad.
Two Irish guys walk into a bar, the bartender says, “Mickey and Tommy. You having your usual?”
“Nope,” the one named Mickey responds. “We're tired of being stereotyped. No more heavy drinking for us. We've joined the Baptist religion and given up drinking.”
The bartender doubles over with laughter, pours two Guinness draughts, and says, “You fellas want anything to eat?”
The one they call Tommy grabs the bartender by the back of his head, pounds the dude's head onto the bar, then pummels him repeatedly until unconscious.
“You told him we were sick of the stereotypes,” said Tommy as the pair left with their freshly poured beers.
The hardest thing about being funny is that the world is filled with people who can't take jokes and don't appreciate that the beauty of being able to say what we want means that stupid shit will get out there. Most stuff sucks, and people who can't accept that are an example of it. Which may be ironic. I'm not so sure.
Two black guys walk into a bar, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson immediately stop the joke. “Black people,” says Al. “Deserve better than to be belittled by any one in any medium. They have been through too much too recently and therefore we must separate them from the rest of the races by denying them their right to be made fun of like everyone else. This promotes unity.”
I apologize wholeheartedly to members of the African American community who may or may not be funny.