Dear Parents,
Welcome to the Shady Hills Youth Soccer Club!
My name is Chuck Thompson, and I look forward to coaching your daughter this season. Tryouts will take place this Saturday at the Chuck Thompson Field across from the Farmer’s Market on Main Street.
The best way to communicate with me is through email.
Yours in soccer,
Coach Chuck
Play is the work of childhood. — Jean Piaget
Dear Coach Chuck,
You will have the pleasure of meeting our outstanding daughter, Kendra tomorrow at the tryout.
A natural kicker since utero, Kendra’s toddler coach at It’s Never Too Early Tot Soccer immediately recognized her raw talent. She scored fourteen goals that glorious U-4 season. From Tot Soccer, she moved on to Shady Hills Recreational Soccer where she scored a total of fifty-five goals during her illustrious career. After witnessing her phenomenal play and advanced athletic ability, we registered Kendra to join the All-About-Sports Elite U-8 team. At Elite, Kendra is praised for her quickness, agility, and ball skills.
Kendra, my wife, and I look forward to working with you.
All the best.
Frank
Coach Chuck —
My daughter, Maggie attended your U-8 tryout yesterday. What nights will the team practice?
The reason I ask is that Maggie has skills training on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays at the All-About-Sports Elite training facility. Futsal tournaments are on Sundays and strength training is on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Thanks.
Mike
Coach —
Seriously? No cuts? We can’t possibly win the championship if you don’t cut some of the slack.
What a joke.
Tom
Coach Chuck —
Water balloons? Pretzels? Cupcakes?
This isn’t tot soccer. It’s U-8. And it’s time to get serious about player development.
Sara
Coach Chuck –
The refs suck. Can we petition the board to ban some of these idiots? It was obvious Laura was not off sides during the game. Contrary to the board’s opinion, I had every right to yell out what I did. Heck the ref should thank me for alerting him to his vision problem.
Tom
Dear Chuck,
My daughter, Maggie, will miss practice on Tuesday. She is attending an All-About-Sports Elite agility and quickness training session.
If you’re not aware, All-About-Sports Elite has trained three Olympic soccer stars along with many NFL and MLB players. Although pricey, the facility is on the cutting edge of soccer training, and I believe an observation of a soccer session would positively impact your coaching style.
Best.
Mike
Chuck!
Ashley only played fifteen minutes of each half during the game today. Ashley is much more dedicated to the sport of soccer than slow Sophia or overrated Kendra. If Ashley doesn’t get more playing time, I’m pulling her from the team. I pay way too much money for her player development training to watch her ride the bench.
Get a clue.
Sara
Chuck –
A 6-2 record with one game left? With five players training at Elite, we should be undefeated. Heck, we should shut out every team in this ridiculous league.
What’s causing this embarrassing underachievement? It’s certainly not the elite players. In my opinion, it’s the coach’s lack of dedication and discipline.
Sincerely,
Mike
This season Kendra did not shine like the star she was born to be. What are you going to do about that, Coach? Such a disappointment.
Frank
Dear Coach Chuck,
How’s Sally? How’s your garden? Are you going on that cruise again this January?
I just wanted to give you a heads-up that the U-8 parents are petitioning the board to remove you from your coaching position.
As the president of the league, I will fight to make sure you continue to coach as you’ve done for the past fifty years or so. I still remember when you coached my U-8 team back in the eighties and my daughter’s U-8 team a few years ago. What fond, fun memories I cherish to this day.
Best.
Amy Jameson
President, Shady Hills Soccer Club
Chuck —
You’re going down.
Tom
Suckie Chuckie,
Hand in your whistle. This U-8 team only has no room for chumps.
Mike
Dear Shady Hills Soccer Family,
It is with a heavy heart that I announce the end of Coach Chuck’s tenure with Shady Hills Soccer Club. For those of you who have not heard, Chuck threw a soft pretzel at a parent during our annual car wash fundraiser. The pretzel hit the parent in the eye resulting in a salt-induced cornea tear.
This action violated our ‘no violence’ policy. Therefore, Coach Chuck was terminated as per the policy. Furthermore, the Chuck Thompson Field was renamed. It is now Field A.
Although I don't condemn Coach Chuck's actions, he was a vital and beloved part of our club, volunteering for over fifty years. Please keep that in mind when you remember Coach Chuck and consider donating to the Chuck Thompson ‘Keep Sports Fun’ Scholarship Foundation.
Sincerely,
Amy Jameson
President, Shady Hills Soccer Club
Play is the work of childhood. — Jean Piaget