As we all know, The Nate Way is not a sports blog but, because I reserve the right to write about whatever I want, it can appear as such on certain days. That being typed, a certain special someone came by my office today. She is easily recognizable by her hot ass, slender build, blonde hair and bloodshot eyes. ‘Round these parts, we call her Stoner Chick.
Stoner Chick, in addition to being hot, is very lazy and as such, is currently unemployed. Because of this, she has all the time in the world to sit around and bullshit about football with me. Her newfound free time, combined with my love for the upcoming NFL season, (which kicks off next Thursday) has helped inspire us to forego the usual format of The Nate Way, and spend today and the next seven days previewing the football season division by division. We're starting this preview in my office, which means we're constantly getting interrupted by me doing a great job at work.
I kick ass at work.
So here it goes folks, the first ever Nate Way football preview is being kicked off like? well, a football I guess. Let's start with the NFC East.
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 
Nathan DeGraaf: Oddly enough, even with Captain Can't Hold Onto a Mothergrabbing Football at QB, hilariously carnivorous Drew Bledsoe retired, and Jerry Jones still alive, I can see this team winning the occasional game and ending up at 9 ? 7, which considering the lameness of the NFC, should be enough for a Wild Card spot.
Stoner Chick: So like, apparently Tony Romo recently referred to Carrie Underwood as his wife and then said he was just joking. And I want to take this opportunity to say something to Tony Romo: Hey dipshit, that's not funny. Hot quarterbacks shouldn't joke about marrying anyone except maybe their linemen. Now that would be a funny joke. Oh, and Carrie Underwood is not all that hot and her singing sucks. Just so you know.
Washington Redskins
NDG: All right, by now we all know my aversion to research and well, I can't tell you anything about this Redskins team except that their owner, Daniel Snyder, is diminutive and their coach, Joe Gibbs, may be too old for this shit. Oh, and they have a tendency to overpay for bad players, which never helps. I got them at 5-11 and that's without looking at their schedule. Oh, and if you were looking for the joke in this paragraph, here's a hint: it's the Redskins.
SC: I have no thoughts whatsoever on this stupid team. I mean, they don't even have a superstar. Lame! But I want to take this opportunity to point out to loyal Nate Way readers that Nate wore a purple polo to work today because he is somehow still allowed to dress himself.
NDG: What's wrong with purple?
SC: You don't wear purple to work in an office, Doucheberry. In fact, unless you're a girl or Prince, you probably shouldn't wear it at all.
NDG: Doucheberry?
SC: Yeah, it's like a combination of douche bag and dingle berry. Pretty cool, huh? I thought that up myself.
NDG: That must have been exhausting.
SC: Not as exhausting as fucking your dad. 
NDG: That's not even an insult. My dad would be thrilled to fuck you.
SC: Yeah, but your mom would be pissed.
NDG: Doubtful. They've been divorced since I was in Junior High.
SC: Step mom?
NDG: Nope.
SC: You suck.
Philadelphia Eagles
NDG: If McNabb can keep his poop in a group and stay healthy, then the Eagles are the team to beat in the NFC East. Without looking at their schedule, I would have to say that eleven wins sounds about right. Oh, and just because McNabb freaked out about his team drafting a backup quarterback does not mean that he is in anyway insecure. In fact, Donovan has such a positive self image that he actually lets people call him “Donovan.” Few men are that confident in their masculinity.
SC: I hate the Eagles and their fans and everyone who has anything to do with them and I hope their team plane crashes like that one college that Matthew McConaughey coached in that one movie where he didn't look all that hot. Marshall something? Anyway, I hate the Eagles.
New York Giants
NDG: The Giants get to play in London this year. I don't think any NFL team should be playing in London. Tom Coughlin is a jerk, Jeremy Shockey is overrated and Eli Manning lacks the ability to lead Tiki Barber to shut the fuck up. I smell a .500 team at 8-8.
SC: I'll bet Jeremy Shockey has a huge cock and that he injures women when he fucks them. I've never seen a picture of him and his girlfriend but I'll bet she walks all gingerly and bowlegged. Either that or she's just a major whore who's totally used to getting stuffed.
NDG: It's good to have you back, Stoner Chick.
SC: It's good to be back, Queerbait.
We'll do the NFC North tomorrow.