So, Joe Biden has announced his 2020 run for President. All well and good, but what will happen with the Etsy store he's been running for the past couple of years? A sitting President can't run a side business, after all, so what will become of the eye-pleasing crafts that he's clearly put his heart into? Better grab these while you can, would be our guess.
Porcelain Pals
Budget meetings can be a real snooze. No one knows this more than Vice President Biden, who spent many a meeting hiding out in the nearest men's restroom. During these many occasions, using empty toilet paper roll tubes and items from his pockets, he was able to fashion these Porcelain Pals! Cute, adorable figurines that you can place on the tank of your favorite commode, or carry around to hug in times of emotional duress. Each Porcelain Pal comes with its own special hat made from wadded up tissue and pocket lint!
Mystery Goodie Bags!
Have you ever wondered what sorts of grand and magical items find themselves behind the cushions of the Oval Office couch? If Mitch McConnell has been in there recently, most of the pocket change has been pilfered already, but there still exists a world of wonder and excitement! From lint-covered mints to tubes of lipstick (Marilyn or Hoover?) and crumpled plans for world domination, these bags could contain anything! (Note: Don't attempt to spend the nickels with Clinton's profile, that was just a test that didn't really work out).
Vials Of Virgin Blood
Each vial includes a certificate of authenticity signed by Dick Cheney! No idea what these are used for exactly, as they were found in a dusty box behind a secret wall in Cheney's old office, next to a scroll with instructions on “opening a portal” (included free with a purchase of six or more vials!). These have been fashioned into a collection of attractive, eye-catching necklaces and earrings, which may cause minor irritation and blisters on some skin. Please, get them out of here! We have a feeling that the presence of these items in the White House may have been what caused Trump to get elected in the first place.
Hands Of Bush Clone
This is public record, right? The clone of Bush Sr, who immediately became psychotic and had to be put down quickly with a bullet to the head? Well, anyway, one of the landscape guys recently found the bones of both hands buried in the back garden (one more bullet to the head, sadly), and now they can be yours! They've been hit pretty hard with a bedazzler and several fistfuls of glitter, and would make a fine paperweight or ash-tray.
Presidential Control Software
Parental Control safeguards are great for ensuring that kids get the benefits of the internet without risking exposure to inappropriate material. But what about a presidential candidate who keeps saying really stupid things while on the campaign trail, but cringes at the idea of reading about these gaffes online later? This Presidential Control software update makes such worries a thing of the past! Say whatever idiotic thing you like, and then enjoy your perspective of soothing social media silence. (We think that his grandkids helped him out with this one)
Obama Tees, Yes Please!
How does a person let the world know, without seeming desperate or obvious, that he was vice-president to one of our most popular presidents? Joe's fashion-friendly “I Have A Black Friend” t-shirt does the trick every time! Also great for napping and doing a quick half an hour power walk through the mall.