I'm typing this blog entry on a balcony over the light of 8 candles. I can't decide if I feel very patriotic or very gay. Although it's starting to smell less like smoke and more like strawberries so I'm gonna go with the latter.
Here's a test: ask a friend what July 4th commemorates and see what they say. So far I've received 3 immediate answers to the patriotic tune of: “our independence.” Asked to elaborate with more historical specifics, all three responded something to the tune (less patriotic and more defensive) of: “uhh, independence from the British.”
Because I'm technically a history major (I say that because I use Wikipedia more than any true history major should need to) I'm here to remind you that July 4th technically commemorates the official signing of the Declaration of Independence.
Did you know that the Revolutionary War didn't actually end until 1783? I find it almost arrogant that we celebrate the first time we officially said “fuck you” to our enemy, and not the time we officially DEFEATED the enemy. What if the British would have won the war? That's right, July 4th would commemorate the signing of the most worthless sheet of paper ever. Instead of fireworks, we'd have a candlelight vigil at some English pub in present-day Masschussetts where frustrated Patriot descendants would quietly burn a piece of paper while drinking shitty tea and eating a fresh fish sandwich.
On the plus side, there would probably be no “War in Iraq.”
On the minus side, there would be no Comedy Central or “Lil' Bush.” And instead of Seinfeld we'd probably see re-runs of Monty Python on TBS all day long.
My friend is doing on call during his rotations at a hospital in Atlanta tonight. I know it's not exactly “politically correct,” but I really hope he gets to see someone in the ER with a busted up eye so he can yell, “YOU SHOT YOUR EYE OUT! YOU SHOT YOUR EYE OUT!” Is that at least “patriotically correct”?
Well, it's time to break some rules and fire up this grill on the balcony. If the place is burnt down by tomorrow, at least we'll know that fireworks.
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, 1783!!