British Dental Hygiene Report

The Teeth Go Marching On: How Britain Became Last Place in Dental Hygiene
Based on a real nation.

An Overview of British Dental Genealogy

Vikings

-Often chipped teeth on giant boat oars
-Chewed Iceland down to a tiny island
-Flossed using only wife's hair
-Wife only washed hair approximately twice a year
-Too busy developing Sony Ericsson to use a calendar

Regressed Nordics

-Inherited HUGE, ugly gaps between teeth which eliminated need for flossing
-Permanent yellowish stains leftover from Viking blonde-hair flossing
-Continued to eat ice in Greenland
-Invented Austin Powers

Advanced Nordics

-Developed straighter,
whiter teeth and healthy gums
-Stopped rowing boats violently across vast, Arctic waters
-Invented Arm & Hammer Baking Soda and Peroxide toothpaste

British

Americans

Comparative Dental Hygiene by Country/Famous People in That Country

Brush Teeth 2x daily

Britain: 20%
U.S: 67%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 98%

Additional Brush After Tea or Coffee

Britain: 3%
U.S: 18%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 66%

Own Dental Floss

Britain: 69%
U.S: 82%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 100%

Use Floss on Teeth

Britain: 9%
U.S: 81%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 100%

Use Floss to Tie Teeth Together

Britain: 61%
U.S: 2%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 0%

Own Austin Powers Movie

Britain: 97%
U.S.: 76%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 50% (stolen from Hollywood Video)

Use Austin Powers Movie as Dental Education Video

Britain: 64%
U.S.: 1%
Princess Diana: 0%
Julia Roberts: 0%

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Resources

6 Comments

Lynch November 3, 2010

An amusing if clichéd stereotype. Unfortunately, for such jokes to continue we have to ignore the facts; that the British have the healthiest teeth in the entire world.

Though perhaps not the whitest or the straightest (do you really believe those pearly whites sported by American celebrities are natural?), we have the lowest amount of tooth decay of any country anywhere.

http://www.economist.com/research/articlesBySubject/displaystory.cfm?subjectid=7933596&story_id=15060097

Anonymous April 4, 2009

I liked the first part with the comparison, of Viking, British and Americans I thought it was pretty funny. Ive just gotta ask though why is there a pic of the remains of the car after the Diana/Dodi accident in Paris?

Court Sullivan April 4, 2009

That was actually the running joke of the second half of the article, that Princess Di is dead so she gets 0% for everything. So the before and after pic of Julia Roberts is no smile/smile, and of Diana is not dead/dead.

Pretty morbid, huh!

oh right, I can`t believed I missed that.

Anonymous December 17, 2010

You thick fucking American homo, go suck your dads dick then fuck yer sister up her arse, thats after you've licked your granny's cunt, now go and die of aids you retard.

Dr. D.C. Reeves January 9, 2009

An interesting overview of how the British people view the importance of dental care. Maybe there's a better way to expand on this subject and include more personalities as well.