I was so going to post this glorious post where I tested just who was more feminine between Gaudio and me. The feminine property was going to be tested through several traits like housekeeping, appearance, clothes, attitude, and the ability to bear children. It was going to end in a tie near the end because I can become pregnant and Gaudio can’t. Of course, Gaudio would ultimately win out because I would have brought up the Chinese man who got knocked-up* which would put him in the lead.
Then I realized I had left out the most important feminine trait to ever grace the human population: cuddling.
Just say it out loud, “cuddling.” It even sounds feminine. The imagery that popped into your head probably had something to do with a really nice, sweet girl who could easily be the epitome of the word feminine. That’s not to say guys don’t like cuddling, but the only guys who admit to wanting to cuddle are either secure in their masculinity or a hop, skip, and a snip away from being an old cat lady. I don’t mean the guys who wear pink shirts because they like to think they are secure enough in their masculinity to do it**; I mean guys who aren’t afraid of what the world thinks because they know they’ll still get laid.
The simplest and most accurate way to test femininity between two people is to see which one initiates cuddling after sex. (I seriously thought about just leaving it at “which one initiates cuddling” when I remembered that cuddling is a common tool of men and women to get sex, making it neutral in that happenstance.) Unfortunately, I don’t love/hate any one of you enough to have sex with Gaudio just to prove I’m the womanliest one on the blogs. It’s just not going to happen. Seriously, that’s the stupidest reason to have sex with anyone.
Besides, I should be secure enough in my femininity to not have to prove it.
Sincerely,
Roxy
P.S. I came to this realization at lunch with my family. I was in the middle of jotting down the basics on a napkin when my mother asked me about what I writing. I said I was writing some thing having to deal with who was the most feminine between one of the other writers and me. My wonderful older sister, Jessie, decided to recount everything I ever did that one would consider very tomboy of me. Thank you for your loving support, jerkette.
And a special thanks to -X- for inspiring this post.
*Whether or not you believe it is your own damn fault.
**Pink actually used to be a “boy” color, so it really doesn’t count.