There is a disturbing epidemic sweeping across this great land that has a lot young men questioning their existence. The most notable of these men is Anthony Ray, best known as Sir Mix-A-Lot, who has been quoted as saying that he likes his butts “real thick & juicy”. Like Mr. Ray I am a fan of a nice ass, I always take the time to admire one whenever it passes me. However, nice asses are becoming more and more rare. It seems like having no ass is becoming the new look and it couldn't be more disturbing. It has come to the point to where most college age women have to tattoo their lower back just to take the focus off of their lack of an ass. Even some of the ‘plus size' girls are losing their ass, which (if they're not too big) would be one of their only remaining assets.
Men everywhere are becoming worried that the curvaceous ass they've grown to admire may becoming extinct. If it does it will be the worst loss for men since Baywatch ended. It seems when I check out girl's rear view its almost like looking at the back of a mannequin. There may be some girls reading this claiming they have an ass, and some probably do. But is it all it can be? Most likely it isn't and that's disheartening for the male population. I wish I had the solution to end the de-evolution before its to late and the few ladies that are remaining true to their curvy ways are lost to the dark side.
Working out may have something to do with this tragic transformation, and I don't mind that you like to work out to ensure you look good, but please don't do it at the expense of your beautiful backside. Mr Ray would tell you that you “can do side-bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt”. This rings true to men everywhere. No man in his right mind will tell you that he likes the flat look over the “bootylicious” look. I don't understand why women would want to look like a 2×4. But that doesn't seem like it will be enough to keep the look that remains so near and dear to my heart.
There are a few short term solutions out there that can give a the derriere challenged the illusion of an ass. Tight black or white pants, for example, remain a favorite around many male circles. These pants always seem to bring out the best of the female ass. Another popular choice to enhance the posterior are the short cotton shorts or “bun huggers”, which is a favorite of many of my fellow males any time of the year. Also one of the few reason you may find me working out in a gym. There are many other ways you can enhance you backside, get creative. There's nothing wrong with giving your ass an identity.
I would like to take some time to salute those who are still sportin' the booty. It is because of you that there is still hope that the days of the ass will soon be upon us, and when this day comes all will rejoice. Because it will not be until that time when men can truly be happy. Especially Mr. Anthony Ray.