Lent is here, which to all good Catholics means another season of forgetting not to eat meat on Fridays. Also, it means us true Christians must voluntarily give up something meaningful in our lives, so that we may begin to value said thing after a brief hiatus of fasting. Obviously, your run-of-the-mill American Catholic doesn't care. As we shouldn't–when your religion is over a billion strong, you tend not to care what the other guys think.
Lent is actually a secular Christian observance, but apparently the Protestants didn't get the memos we sent out. I mean, we nailed it to the front of their church doors and everything.
If you're ever in the mood to go Catholic-sighting, they'll be the ones in grocery stores buying frozen fishsticks at 5pm on a Friday night. Or, they'll be the ones at McDonald's buying that rubber band ball they call the Fish Filet. Check the local bars too, especially if you're interested in scoping out the Irish variety–Italians hang around the pizza parlors. You won't see many Poles because they'll be at home cooking pirogies. Trust me on this; my whole family comes from immigrant-rich Pittsburgh, and you'd be surprised how on-the-dot I am about these sorts of things. Fridays barely register as an inconvenience to these people during Lent.
I still haven't decided what I'm going to sacrifice this Lent. I don't eat candy or junk food normally, I don't smoke, I don't drink enough to consider it a worthwhile sacrifice, and since returning to Richmond, my Sunset Valley expeditions have dropped by the wayside due to my excessive work schedule. Bitches don't love guys who smell like Subway. Maybe I'll give up squid-wrestling. Greenpeace has been on my case about that since the Chesapeake Charade.
I'm not even sure I'll go to Mass on Easter. I mean, it's such a hassle to sit through an hour of Bible readings and prayer. I don't know how Protestants do it for two, three, sometimes four hours at a time. Shit is ridiculous. Honestly, how long does it take to praise God?
I asked my friend what he was giving up for Lent, and I think his reply sums up most Catholics' opinions on this holy season:
“I gave up giving a fuck about this whole Lent thing. Does that count?”