Alright, who's next? I'm all greased up with nowhere to go!
YOU?! You think you can ride me?? AHAHAHAHA!! I've been bucking mildly sober people off in under 30 seconds since we opened this white trash dump of a bar and you think you can even climb on without falling over?! Yeah, this oughta be funny.
Oh good idea, tell all your friends to get out their cameras first, cuz this one's goin on YouTube baby! “Drunk idiot breaks face on mechanical bull” should get you passed around for the next few days at least.
What's that, I'm going down? Why don't you say that a little louder so everybody can hear?!
Yep, I think they all heard you that time.
Whoops! You forgot to put down your beer! Don't worry, I haven't seen that one before. God, you country bumpkins are all the same. If I had a nickel for every time some cocky redneck turned around to hand his beer to his girlfriend in a wife beater I would – well it's Nickel Wing Night, so I guess I'd have a big plate of wings! Mmmm, I love me some spicy buffalo!
Alright, finally comin into the ring, huh? I'll just be standing still here in the middle, waiting for you to fill out that waiver so I can get buck wild on your ass. Until then, I won't move a muscle cuz I know you rednecks would LOVE a reason to sue the pants off of me.
Hey, nice signature “Bud Light” – do you always change your name to the beverage taking up the most space in your body? Douchebags, I swear.
Before you try to hop on me, you do realize that this is my job, right?
Okay, let me put it this way: Have you ever played wall ball and beaten the wall?
Ah right, you did get drunk and beat up the wall one time after you lost. That was right out back of this bar if I remember correctly. I heard you screaming and then you came inside with a couple of bloody hands. (Hey, I'm here 24/7.)
WHOA! Damn, you're heavy dude! I hope these steel legs don't collapse under me, HA. Shit, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow! Whatever, I'm used to it by now – a couple of Advil and a good night's rest and I'll be fresh again.
Careful where you dig your heels buddy, those are my kidneys. Unfortunately, they won't help you stay on. Grab that plastic horn sticking out of my back and let's get this show on the road.
Dude, what's going on? Start bucking…
I'm talking to myself idiot, shutup.
What the fuck, dude?? I can't move! I'm trying to move but I can't! AHHHH, I can't feel my legs!! Somebody turn me on, this is some bullshit!
Broken??! Am I plugged in? Did you check the connection to my ass?! Is there some switch somewhere you're missing or… god, are you guys all drunk too?? You're at work, you're not supposed to be drinking!
No, NO! I'm not waiting til the maintenance guys get here on Monday! I have to send this drunk asshole flying off into the corner face first! I'm a YouTube star, goddamnit, you will not make me look bad in front of the bumpkins!! I will not stand here in silence while everybody continues to get drunk and make fun of me!
You will NOT get away with this, Wild Bill's Country Bar and Dance Hall!