Some family you’re born with and some you’re blessed to find along the way.
I’m happy my mom found you outside a Ralph’s.
* * *
Fatherhood brings out the best in a man.
Stepfatherhood brings gas station flowers.
* * *
Everything changed when my mom met you.
Even her personality. So weird.
* * *
Stepdad, today is a celebration of all the gifts you bring to our family.
Like your persistent, low grade nose whistle.
* * *
You might not have been there when I took my first steps,
But you were there when I ran away to live with my aunt because I hated your smell.
* * *
They say blood is thicker than water, but they’ve never walked in on you in the bathtub.
* * *
There are times in life when you just need your dad.
You’re not him.
* * *
You’re wise.
You’re loving.
You’re wearing a t-shirt that says “FBI: Female Body Inspector.”
* * *
Mom could have picked anyone, but she picked you.
* * *
You only get one dad.
But if your mom has daddy issues, you can have seven.
* * *
Stepfather, you have so much love to give.
So it’s odd that you give it all to the guys on your vintage car message board.
* * *
You made room in your heart for our family,
And we made room in our house for your Crocs.
* * *
Just because we don’t have the same genes,
means I probably won’t inherit your hairline,
which is a relief.
* * *
I love that you make mom so happy.
Is it a sex thing?
* * *
Stepdad,
No matter how much changes in our lives, you’re always there to remind me my real dad is in Peru.
* * *
You may not be my dad, but you’ll always be fucking my mom.