Bishop, California
A charming, yet delicate town like this will be absolutely shellacked when “The White Snake Reunion Tour Presented by Gorton’s Seafood” lures a mammoth fleet of RV’s stuffed with mullet people.
Rockport, Massachusetts
The taffy factory, responsible for 80% of the town’s GDP, will be forced to shut down for a deep sanitation clean after a flock of festival nudists bathe in the only freshwater source.
Whitefish, Montana
The festival will run smoothly for a few days, until a man urinates in the territory of some rather large hawks. As eight talons lift him up by the shirt to take him back to their nest, he thinks to himself that this is the best acid trip he’s ever had.
Reine, Norway
This sleepy fishing village doesn’t have much time before it catches a lethal dose of Imagine Dragons. If you ever wanted to say that you’ve seen a fjord, I’d head over there now.
Fairbanks, Alaska
You think to yourself, confidently, “Alaska is so remote, there couldn’t possibly be a large music festival there.” You seem to be underestimating how far people are willing to travel to Instagram the town’s unofficial mascot, “Miska” the three-legged, one-eyed dog, who aimlessly wanders the wharf.
Decorah, Iowa
Decorah’s entire economy will tank after overflowing festival porta-potties are knocked over by a Slipknot mosh pit, oozing into 120 acres of corn fields.
The Pennygelter Residence, Alton, Illinois
While technically not a licensed music festival, Chase Pennygelter has invited his cousin’s metal band, “Scorching Magma” to play at his “Parents Are Out of Town” house party. It's a fair assumption the damage could range anywhere from “having to replace the living room carpet” to a “razed cul-de-sac.”