Naughty or Nice?

How does Santa deliver all those presents?

Many people claim that it’s impossible for Santa to deliver presents to all the children of the world on Christmas Eve. But if you do the math, you’ll realize that you’re not dealing with a basic 12-hour night. When combined across time zones, there are a total of 31 nighttime hours. Santa maximizes this time by incorporating the theoretic principles of Total Quality Management (TQM). He also saves time by skipping the houses of naughty children. Examples include children who:

-Wet the bed,
-Don’t speak English,
-Were responsible for their parents getting divorced,
-Can’t hold their liquor.

What happens if you find out that your roommate is gay and get caught in a drug raid all in the same night?

I suppose it means you’re an unobservant felon.

Hi I'm 16 and me and my boyfriend have been going out almost two years and he has asked me to marry him and I said yes but will it really work or is it just puppy love at this age?

It could possibly happen, it’s certainly not unheard of. However, many things can come up between now and then. Going away to college, being indicted for manslaughter, or falling into a sinkhole are just a few of the potential deal breakers that can cause a couple to drift apart. And of course there’s always the possibility that, due to a paperwork error, you’re mistakenly drafted into the French Foreign Legion as a guerilla mercenary. Trust me, I learned the hard way. Of course, it’s hard to get motivated to fight for a country whose national animal is the weasel (commonly portrayed waving a white flag), but at least you won’t have to contend with morons who insist on using the term “Freedom Fries.”

Do nice guys finish last? Explain.

They finish last because they last longer. That’s what makes them so nice.