I love New Orleans. I mean, I really love it. So, hearing about what has happened to the Big Easy has made me more than a little despondent." />
I love New Orleans. I mean, I really love it. So, hearing about what has happened to the Big Easy has made me more than a little despondent. I have been to the NO three times in my life, and each time was crazier than the last. And now it’s under water.
I’m pissed.
One of my least favorite cities in the world is Orlando. Every Hurricane Season (and I’m capitalizing that for a reason) I openly hope that the city that was built by a corrupt Governor named Napoleon (I’m not joking; you can look that up), Mickey Mouse, and whiny tourist families will get destroyed by the most violent hurricane ever to hit Florida. And well, if Hurricane Nate (it’s coming, look out) doesn’t do it, I guess it’ll never happen.
But a brother can dream.
Meanwhile, one of the coolest, lawless, partying towns in all of America got nailed with a category four hurricane (I know other towns got hit worse, but everyone has to admit that New Orleans was the coolest of them. Sorry, Gulf Shores) and I just have to suck it up and hear about floating dead bodies, shoddy city employees trying to fix the problems (their government is one of the most corrupt in America—another reason to love it there), and rampant looting, and then try to remember the good times in the City that Just Don’t Give a Damn. My heart goes out not only to the people of that jamming town, but to all those who regularly visit it, and enjoy their fine cuisine, music, and festivals.
For everyone who loves a good time, this is a tragic event. I have written about one of my experiences in New Orleans before in a column. And the truth is, most of what I’ve done in the last city on the Mississippi cannot be written here (my Mom reads this). So, in lieu of good tales of good times, here’s a list of random quotes about and from New Orleans.
“This government just doesn’t appreciate how good it feels to put a city to bed. I mean, shit, you can always find a drink in the Quarter. It’s like an impossible conquest to close this place out.”
–Ian, the Wing Span Master
“My head feels like Bourbon Street right now.”
–Mike, the Jesus-looking Meister
“Let me tell you something, Nate. This city will never be cleaned up. It’s in the bylaws.”
–Aaron, Who will Never Quit Playing Hockey
“This city is awesome. It’s like a rumbling hustle with an awesome soundtrack.”
–Me, the Guy Writing This
“We’re drinking Hurricanes tonight to commemorate the temporary loss of the best city ever in an ironic way.”
–Liz, Who Invents Excuses to Drink
“Every time I visit this city, I start pricing apartments.”
–Doug, the Lush Master.
Here’s to you, New Orleans. I wish you the best of luck getting your shit together and putting back every moss covered stone where it once was. I don’t blame your citizens for the looting or for not evacuating completely or for anything else. I blame only myself.
Because I haven’t been there in a while.
God Bless, Big Easy. God Bless.