Last week, for the first time ever in my life, I had a winning record picking the games against the spreads. I was 11 and 5. I lost two heartbreakers and got browbeat by the Eagles’ game. The lesson here, as is often the case, even a blind man can land a hot girl on occasion.
Last week, for the first time ever in my life, I had a winning record picking the games against the spreads. I was 11 and 5. I lost two heartbreakers and got browbeat by the Eagles’ game. The lesson here, as is often the case, even a blind man can land a hot girl on occasion.
On a personal note, next week is my favorite non-playoff football Sunday because it’s the only football Sunday during finals week at the local university. The students who show up for the games are always fun to watch. Some of them don’t drink because they plan on studying that night. Some of them drink anyway. Some of them don’t have a final on Monday and mention it to everyone in the bar so that every student in the place wants to just kill them. Some of them actually study in the bar (this is my personal favorite. I mean, what the hell are you thinking? You’ve got loud noise, rowdy people and beer. Seriously, what could you possibly be learning? Man, I sound old.) And some of them just blow the test off completely because their teams are finally good and they feel like celebrating (I see bad grades ahead for those hailing from Chicago and Cincinnati, by the way). Oh, and I almost left out the students who aren’t really at the bar, but we all feel like they are because they call every ten minutes for updates. On second thought, maybe I should have forgotten those guys…
Anyway, onto the picks.
Bucs (+5.5) over PANTHERS
Okay, I’m a Buc’s fan, so I’m biased. But I can feel a Panther implosion here. Something about Jake Delhomme throwing into the Buccaneer secondary… It just smells right, like a thick steak over open flame. To quote the random guy who sat next to me at the Smoky Pool Hall last week: “Hell, we don’t even need an offense if they’re gonna keep throwing the ball.”
(And by the way, is there a Buc’s fan out there that wouldn’t trade Griese, Simms and Luke McNown for Brad Johnson, straight up? Didn’t think so.)
Patriots (-4) over BILLS
In Tom Brady’s next commercial, he uses his Visa to buy Charlie Weiss a fruit basket and a day at the spa. Look for it.
VIKINGS (-7) over Rams
My faith in Brad Johnson knows no bounds. Also, if you’re the Rams, well, how the hell do you get amped to play this game? If it wasn’t for the Lions and Saints, the Rams would be the most poorly operated franchise in football right now. On the plus side, well, their quarterback went to Harvard. I mean, that’s a great story. Just awesome.
Bears (-6.5) over STEELERS
So I says to my friend, Tom, “You know the Bears are favored in Pittsburgh.”
And he says to me, “Get outta here. You gotta be crappin’ me with that garbage.”
So I says, “Sure shootin’. By almost a touchdown.”
And he says, “How times have changed.”
Raiders (-3) over JETS
Cripple fight!!!
JAGUARS (+8.5) over Colts
I know the Jags are missing their quarterback. I know the Colts are the best team in football. I know that this is a stupid pick. So, why am I doing it? Because Peyton Manning is a choke artist, and no matter how hard you try, you can never completely lose your artistic passion.
Or something like that.
Texans (+6.5) over TITANS
The Texans will be up by three points with a few minutes to play, and then will do everything within their collective power to get the ball into the hands of the Titans. Meanwhile, Reggie Bush will be wondering how he’d look in a Stetson and three piece while smoking cigars with George W. Bush.
BENGALS (-12.5) over Browns
Go on and double this spread. Cincy is so happy to have the edge over their cross state rival that talks are already in the works to launch WKRP in Cincinnati: the Next Generation (translation: Cincinnati is back on the map). The Bengals will not let up during this game for any reason. Oh yeah, time for a head count. How many Bengals fans will be smiling from ear to ear this Sunday? I’m putting the over/under at a quarter million.
Redskins (-4) over CARDINALS
Joe Gibbs is a self-made millionaire who won a Super Bowl with Doug Williams. I think he can figure out the ‘Zona offense. Call me crazy.
EAGLES (+9) over Giants
This spread opened at 3. It is now 9. For those of you who may or may not know (doesn’t matter), that’s a huge change. Spreads change because people lay heavy action on one team. And in this case, I just can’t believe that the general populace knows more than Vegas. I mean, a six point change? That’s insane.
(Side note: I took an informal pole Tuesday and learned that seventy percent of the people in The Local Pub would rather party with Eli Manning than his older brother, Peyton. And yes, I bother people.)
SEAHAWKS (-16) over 49ers
I wonder what Shaun Alexander will do with this bye week. Hell, he’ll probably just run for 130 yards and three touchdowns. Meanwhile, I’ll have to finish a whole plate of fajitas. Alexander, I envy you.
CHARGERS (-13.5) over Dolphins
Didn’t we have this game last week? Oh, no. That was the Chargers/Raiders. My bad. As I mentioned last week, when games like this came on when I was a kid, my father would begin looking for chores around the house, causing conversations like this.
Dad: Does that fridge sound funny to you?
Me: No. It’s fine.
Dad: You’re nine years old. What the hell do you know? Grab my drill.
Me: I’m watching football.
Dad: What football? It’s a twenty point game. Get me my damn drill.
BRONCOS (-14.5) over Ravens
I was disappointed in the Broncos last week. Hopefully, so were the Broncos.
(Side note: after last week’s game, every Bronco’s fan I know wore looks of disbelief. I didn’t watch that one very closely, but I saw the highlights and thought, “wow, that had to suck.” My friend Mike roots for Denver and he summed up that game thusly: “That. Was. Not. Right.”)
COWBOYS (-3) over Chiefs
This was my toughest pick. A washed up Drew Bledsoe versus a washed up Trent Green? Parcells versus Vermeil? In the end, I actually flipped a coin. You know what that means, right? Don’t even think about betting this one.
Lions (+6) over PACKERS
Brett Favre, you are dead to me. If anyone would like to order their “Free Aaron Rodgers” T-shirts, just email me at nathan@pointsincase.com with your size and color preference.
FALCONS (-10.5) over Saints
The Falcons need this one so bad, I wouldn’t be surprised if the referees find razor blades sticking out of Duckett’s shoulder pads.