Moo Moo, Your Childhood Stuffed Animal, Is Filing for Emancipation by Alex Jhamb Burns|February 1, 2023
As Your Primary Care Doctor, I Will Be Happy to See You in Three Weeks When Your Symptoms Have Passed by Brad Snyder|January 31, 2023
This Aesthetic Subway Ad Is Here to Tell You That You Are Going Bald as Shit by Chris Logan|January 30, 2023
Weddings Vows from Me, a Spelling Bee Champion, to You, My Former Spelling Bee Opponent by Devin Wallace|January 28, 2023
I’m the Best Detective in the World, So Why Do You Keep Second-Guessing Me? by Adam Dietz|January 27, 2023
Writers, Please Avoid Using the Following Forbidden Literary Devices by Lillie Franks|January 18, 2023
20 New Year’s Resolutions to Try While You Wait for the Adderall Shortage to End by Emily Knapp|January 16, 2023
Thanks for Giving Me the Exact Compliment I Definitely Wasn’t Fishing For by Lily Blumkin|January 13, 2023
This Car Sticker of Guns Is My Family, and It Is Just as Sad as It Sounds by Patrick Coyne|January 9, 2023
Answers to All of the Questions Asked by the Little Girl Sitting Behind Me at Last Night’s Performance of “The Marriage of Figaro” by Leah Browning|January 7, 2023
Please Don’t Post Recipes That Aren’t Tailored to My Specific Dietary Needs by Mary Sasson|January 4, 2023
Line a Plucky Supporting Character Might Say in a ’90s Movie About an Underdog Sports Team, or Lottery Slogan? by Jus Kaplan|December 28, 2022
The Best Outfit for Your Star Sign According to Your Puritan Astrologer by Laurie Swinarton|December 28, 2022
Your Bar Trivia Host Lays Down Some Ground Rules by Kevin Burke and McKayley Gourley|December 27, 2022
Heads Up! This Church Choir Is About to Sing the Hell Out of “Little Drummer Boy” by Adam Campbell-Schmitt|December 25, 2022
I’m an Inspirational Quote, and I’m Asking That You Stop Using Me to Justify Your Shitty Existence by Chase Karpus|December 17, 2022
Penalty Kick Alternatives to Determine the Winner of a Tie During a World Cup Match by Julien Perez|December 14, 2022
How to Make a Cover Letter That’s Slightly Less Desperate than You by Lillie Franks|December 14, 2022
It’s Me, Rudolph, and I’d Love to Stop Reliving My Childhood Trauma Every Christmas by Stephanie Kelly|December 12, 2022
Tired of Demure, Uptight Christmas Nuts? You Need Emeton’s Loose Nuts This Holiday Season by Sarah Totton|December 9, 2022
We’d Love to Offer You This Job, but I’m Afraid You Don’t Already Have This Job by Eddie Small|December 8, 2022
Sure, the Metaverse Is the Future, but Have You Heard About the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company? by Bradley Meyers|December 7, 2022
My Child Finally Stole from Me My Last Vestige of Coolness, My Spotify Wrapped by Richie Zaborowske|December 5, 2022
Terrible Game Shows That, for the Love of God, Should Never Be Created by Dan Caprera|December 1, 2022
I’m the Middle-Aged Adult Who Writes All of the Dialogue in This Teen Drama by Shelby Jennings|November 25, 2022
Welcome to Presidential Park, Where, Thanks to Our Dubious Understanding of Scientific Ethics, American History Comes to Life by Logan Green|November 24, 2022
The People Who Will Beat You in the Thanksgiving Half Marathon for Which You’ve Trained for Months by Michelle Milliken|November 23, 2022
Positive Self-Affirmations Mumbled by the Pillsbury Doughboy at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade by Sianna Lani|November 22, 2022
Passive-Aggressive Comments from My Family on Thanksgiving Bingo by Sue D. Gelber and Terry Heyman|November 21, 2022
We Are the Other Paintings on Display Near “Starry Night” and We Are Tired of Being Ignored by Laura Fabius|November 21, 2022
Follow-Up Questions About Your Answer to the Security Question “Who Was Your Childhood Best Friend?” by Talia Argondezzi and Miriam Jayaratna|November 19, 2022
Let Me Use This Wedding Toast to Announce My Candidacy for President by Josh Freedman|November 17, 2022
I’m Victor Frankenstein, and I’m Pretty Sure I’m Nailing This Humanoid Reanimation Project by Anthony DeThomas|November 14, 2022
Yes, I Am Writing This in a Moleskin Notebook, Thanks for Noticing by Bradley Meyers|November 13, 2022
I Don’t Feel like the Dawn Dish Soap We Fed Those Ducks Covered in Oil Really Did Anything Helpful by Robert Criss|November 11, 2022
If You Want the Marching Band to Get Off the Field, You’re Gonna Have to Fight the Tuba Player by James Knapp|November 9, 2022
You Only Think I’m Overdosing on Motivational Content Because of Your Weak Mindset by Lillie Franks|November 8, 2022
It’s Me, Scrub Daddy, America’s Favorite Sponge! Please Stop Using My Mouth to Clean Your Dishes by Logan Corcoran|November 4, 2022
I’m the New York City Marathon, and We Need to Set Some Boundaries by Leah Abrams and Amy Muller|November 3, 2022
