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Can you see this? Yes, of course. What is it? A banana. No, I mean, like, what color is it? Yellow.
You’ve sworn you’ve heard the unmistakable “thunk” of a peg-leg issuing from their mic on more than one Zoom call.
I scroll through my Venmo feed with fervor, finding out more about your lives from a cash app than I do from the photos you share on Instagram.
She usually finds people uninteresting, unless she smells fear. You’re not nervous are you?
If you were planning one of the many parties I assume you have without me, would you: A) Invite me! B) Neglect me!
Cars 4: Big Victorian Bicycles, a story about an 1860s bi-pedal speedster who is on a quest to get both of his wheels to be the same size.
You should be begging on your hands and knees for help. Pathetic. And deep down, you’re scared.
I lost motivation for my role of being the embodiment of vanity. To put it lightly: remote work has challenged the core values I once held dear.
Uber Parents: Be too readily available, allowing your children to summon you at any hour of the day or night.
I’m very worried that you know me for one picture taken on my 72nd birthday more than anything else.
Maybe before departing, the yogurt left a note for its live-in yogurt boyfriend, who was at his company kickball league going absolutely beast mode.
All My Fucks graduated from Shame University in 1998 with high honors.