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Boys and girls can be friends. Girls and statues can be friends. Girls and statues can hold hands, if they want. Or kiss.
During the ten-minute break between sessions, line up your children's stuffed animals in a giant single-file line leading directly to the bathroom.
Forgot I ate three cans of soup (Tuscan white bean, if you were wondering) last night and also decided to get rid of my old tambourine collection.
What we see here is not a rainbow cornucopia of fresh fruit, but a hornet’s nest of shriveled blackberries and fungus-ridden apricots.
Diversification is the key. Celery, onions, and carrots are going to be solid performers and there is no reason not to have some low-risk options.
We at Fatty Matty’s Quakin’ Baconz do not assume liability for any health complications and/or death that may arise from the "DOIN’ IT RAW" special.
We made eye contact right before the huge bag of kitty litter I was holding ripped open and got in my eyes.
You think I won't beat you up? Just watch me! Please, don't fight back. Just watch me beat you up.
When I don’t immediately respond to your texts, it’s not because I’m just busy doing other things, it’s because I definitely hate you.
I did see you hiding (hard to miss the shape of my useless husband with his big dumb flip-flopped feet sticking out from behind the drapes).
I’m ready when you are. And I won’t even charge you anything, girl. It’s on me. Free Edition. I got you.
They don't even have numbers on their uniforms. They just have plain, ill-fitting husky tees donated by the Knights of Columbus.