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With casualties in the hundreds of thousands, just be glad you're dating someone that’s alive.
For starters, many of you have been attending parties. We told you not to do that! We thought you’d listen to us.
No matter how many side pickles one has in their lifetime, each new side pickle feels like the first.
Does everyone have a string of rosary beads? It's very important to warm your muscles by lightly flagellating your body.
Let our four-legged friends teach you about their traditions, long history, or the way to make the best apple cider you've ever had (a Branbury guarantee).
I mean, if my life were a novel, this would be terrible writing. The reader would be flipping back, looking for pages they must have skipped.
Listen to your yelp as you touch my hot leather seats. Feel the burn, baby. I can feel the panic rising in your breath.
Can’t seem to think of a good slogan. “Minnesota: Chug It Down!” No, that’s not it. “Minnesota: Everybody in the Pool!” Closer, but still no.
Set your timer for 15 minutes and promptly CRY INTO A PILLOW AND LET THE TEARS OF FAILURE FLOW LIKE THE RIVER NILE.
She goes to bed early, after washing her face and applying night serum. I go to bed drunk, after forgetting to brush my teeth or remove my contacts.
With a quick hand and keen eye, Betsy Ross can help you with all your sewing needs. She specializes in the flags of fledgling nations at war.
In one of his more difficult passages, Hemingway suggests that the combination of alcohol and music can result in a fine evening.