Comedy Articles

Here’s What That Really Cool Puddle of Water in the Middle of the Street Says About Your Gullibility

Most People Are Able to Successfully Trick You Into Doing Something Stupid: Notice how the water in this puddle ripples when you blow on it.

Any establishment that denies me entry because I have twenty-seven thousand honeybees swarming on his face has no regard for personal freedom.

I have been crewed to the Ba Ba Buoy, as fine a ship as exists. She is equipped with not only White Claw, but also Truly Hard Seltzer & Twisted Tea.

Let's not let a few small incidents of homicide overshadow the fact we recently installed washer-dryers in every single apartment.

Woody and Rayleen Blight / Joyfully announce the recent trade of their / Rusted, two-door Ford F150 for / A 2020 black, full-sized Dodge Ram pickup

Let your dog Penelope off-leash to play with the human children while you talk to their parents about your mutual hardships in raising a young one.

“My good friend General Tojo, who is very respected and very highly uhhh... I guess thought of, is going to bomb Pearl Harbor tomorrow."

In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn’t have loudly invited every member of staff to come watch me “roast this bird” at tic-tac-toe.

It's like you knew the key to my heart was a deep appreciation for long naked walks on the beach and Adobe Creative Suite.

For example, our description page should have read, “Lull yourself to sleep to the haunting cry of lions echoing across the lake.”

Don't forget it's scorching outside—do you really want to inconvenience yourself with a hot face? That's a cruelty no meat should suffer.

Alright, let me check my phone. No response? That’s completely cool. I’ll just play with my dog for a little bit.