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I'm a sex-positive ursidae in touch with my body and on fire with sexual empowerment. If you've seen a picture of me, I'm not even wearing pants.
Week after week, the routine never varies. Tim wakes up, reaches for idiotic iPhone, eats Cheez-Its, and sits on his sweet ass without me.
I know a lot of you are all about sacrificing lives and animals to honor me, so I thought I would sacrifice some of my time for all of you.
The basis upon which I have lived my entire life is jeopardized—and all because of a trust fall with the ghost of Sir Isaac Newton.
My terrifying, needle-wielding aunt who breaks into my bedroom nightly, holds me down, and then gives me thousands of vaccines while I'm sleeping.
1) I Make a Rube Goldberg-type Machine That Gives Sonny a Spank Right on the Keister Every Time He Lifts the Spoon to His Mouth
In an instant a few things happened: we locked eyes and both looked away in embarrassment; and I realized it was me.
We want to make one thing perfectly clear: We will not be recalling our Roombas no matter how violent they get.
As for the accusations of exploiting your children for money, well, times are tough and you need to provide however you can during this uncertainty.
I heard one radio report suggest that there were flashing lights and loud music. My electricity is slightly faulty and caused momentary outages.
That’s a “you” problem. We’re just here to box you in, we’re not here to tell you how to uphold your civic duty to not harm others.
I am growing a long-white beard at a scary rapid pace! Uh-oh looks like someone might have the case of being magically transformed into St. Nick!