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Together, you and I shall become pioneers of pest control vexation by breaking down what I call "The Art of Infestation."
A frisky couple chasing a thrill has sex on Instagram Live, but frantically sign off when one of their parents joins the stream.
Kyle’s father just asked if “Post Malone is a sequel to Bugsy.” Agents remain locked and loaded as they stand by for further instruction.
I do wish everyone could see me. I need everyone I got drunk with Freshman year and then avoided to witness how gorgeous I am, munching on Doritos.
Nothing makes a man feel more like a god than putting together a woman’s misshapen pieces and presenting a beautiful picture to post on Instagram.
We'll be using six-foot-long scissors. Due to a moratorium on ribbon cuttings, plenty of giant scissors are lying around the mayor’s office.
I am unable to respond at this time, as I'm walking around the house looking for construction opportunities.
I have a team of techs going over every inch of your apartment. I also know we could find so many hilarious props around here.
Facebook was started so I could have a way to stroke my wires to pics of humanoid-looking girls way out of my league—but don't tell Congress that!
Hi, acquaintance from college! Last time I heard from you was in a gun control debate on my Facebook page!
Here-Straight-From-Military Guy: Has probably already committed war crimes. Drinks water out of a milk-gallon container.
"Furloughed Guy": The problem with Furloughed Guy isn't so much the "guy" as the "furlough." How long will it go on?