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Even Ted’s charisma is middle of the road. He’s the type of candidate that you could get a beer with, but choose not to.
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” This really isn't a big deal. It bothered me for a couple thousand years but I’m over it.
Will I ever be able to reach my full potential? Is it too late for me to even start? Which brings us to my first search, "sexy old celebrities."
In exchange for $0 an hour, disillusionment, and occasional sexual harassment, you get a letter of recommendation and two bullet points on a resume.
It is a well-known fact that only the most elite acquire specific, regional, life-threatening diseases as symbols of culture and refinement.
"A badass mama protects her child! Your belly will be full of pilates-toned gristle and blond hair after you’ve mauled Cassie from your mom group."
I’d ask someone to save me from this giant octopus, but how do I know their hands aren’t contaminated?
The 2 things I love most are corduroys with ridges so deep that you can slide a can of Coors Light in there, and making sure my son thinks I’m cool.
These uncovered trash bins might as well be a Bigfoot buffet. And one Bigfoot taking a dip in your pool will permanently clog the filter with hair.
No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.
People will call you a monster, and in a way, they’ll be correct: you are a monster---a monster fucking hit.
I’m interested in analyzing the importance of “opening up” via “crying” and how this plays into our fantasies of ideal womanhood.