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Haven’t you noticed your friends and family disappearing? It never once crossed your mind to file a missing fish report?
You’ll want to remember this before you charge into your first big gun battle with Dmitri the Razor’s anonymous henchmen and make your pain theirs.
When I heard I would be given the honor of introducing tonight’s penultimate speaker, you could imagine my excitement.
I remember when you nervously called your ‘rents at your first “real party” because someone offered you a sip of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
A salad? After Labor Day? I don’t think so. I passed the salad place and said to myself, “Not today. Today is Tuesday. Tacos.”
Henry has been doing our newsletter since 1986. He’s a little set in his ways, but we love him.
Please donate to give this very solidly upper-middle-class couple their dream honeymoon. These kids (they’re 34) deserve the best.
People of all nations, races, and creeds forgot their differences and grabbed hands with, randomly, my middle school gym teacher. But it totally felt normal that she was there, if that makes any sense?
Mr. Jensen has not won eight gold medals in curling. In fact, it’s unclear whether or not Mr. Jensen has even seen curling before.
I just thought it would be fun to spice things up this time—literally in the case of that ominously bubbling aluminum tray at the end of the row!
“Thanks for taking the time to meet.” Alright, I see. I took the time to meet. I did you a favor, huh.
Wow, coral, fish, AND crabs—sounds biodiverse as hell. Whatcha gonna call it? The… “sunlight zone”?