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New Yorker cartoons: You love The New Yorker. You READ The New Yorker. But 9 times out of 10 you buy The New Yorker for those sweet, sweet cartoons.
Spying her water bottle, he transformed it into a La Croix. Kim took a sip, swished a little, and frowned. “I only like Pampelmousse"
"I don’t have any fancy degrees. I’ve never read Murakami. I’ve never read anything, actually. I can’t speak English and I’ve bitten people."
Let’s acknowledge that I’m the only person in this company with a catchphrase. The comedic effect of “cowabunga, dude!” is enhanced by repetition.
We care about your wellbeing because we don’t need your fat ass jacking up our healthcare costs.
I don’t fix my issues, but I hide them under a thin sheet of functionality that I quickly whip off with the flair of a flamboyant Las Vegas magician.
Instead of saying “Yes, would you be available on Friday?”, I accidentally replied, “You’re a disgusting pig, your entire existence is meaningless.”
I thought space was going to be the most romantic time of our 10-month relationship. That’s why I got three new rompers and a bikini wax.
Now I heard you’re even talking about me in therapy? I was hoping you’d move on by now, since you’re in your mid-thirties and all.
When Allisyn awakens in his bedroom filled with Reservoir Dogs posters and empty Gatorade bottles, she’s charmed. Starring Gal Gadot and Seth Rogen.
Q; What happened to Leonard? A: Leonard was catapulted through a vibrating and glowing door frame into a space between dimensions.
Despite his many attempts, your ex will never so much as FaceTime with Mia, because her iPhone “can’t take calls outside the Pacific Time Zone.”