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"SYLVIA PLATH // HAMLET '90s MIXTAPE": Hamlet is depressed. Hamlet is in love. Hamlet is occasionally suicidal. Basically, Hamlet is the '90s.
Colonel Mustard and Professor Plum: There never was a murder, these two just needed to get away from their bridge club to whisper sweet nothings.
Cincinnati Bearcats: You’ve watched a tournament game in a strip club. Iowa Hawkeyes: You lost money investing in Matthew Whittaker’s toilet company.
Recently my partner, a 1991 Diesel, has started abruptly switching tracks during our intimate time. What do I do?
Masters in Accounting: Think about how much fun you have filing your taxes every year and imagine getting to do that every day!
I’ve been on the lookout for the swirling cloud of evil that must constantly follow you, and I keep my nose up to catch a stench of this wickedness.
Sanders graduated from Transylvania University with honors in Afro-Caribbean Studies, Women and Sexuality Studies, and Herbalism ‘n’ Spicesism.
What’s the bigger crime: abducting a federal worker or letting someone live without riding Apollo’s Chariot, one of the Garden’s 8 coasters?
You’re two feet tall and none of your clothes fit anymore. This new trait may be the most noticeable, but it’s also the easiest to explain.
Frederik (42, Breed: Poet (Non-Rhyming)) Frederik thinks he’s better than all the other writers at the shelter.
Did you consider that maybe the cookie-cake-related dream had something to do with the jacket that says “Great American Cookie Company” on the back?
You almost get your revolver out fast enough to subdue James Bond, and show everyone that experience counts more than a dearth of love handles.