Over 15,000 funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. New humor articles daily. Featured | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories | Topics | Random | Submit an Article
I know I certainly didn't fight my way through twelve miles of wilderness with no face to allow big government to turn all of our kids autistic.
I want to assure Rewards Members that we are now extending free counseling to all members and not just Gold-Level as with past homicides.
It’s part of a system called “Symbiotic Habitation via Environmental Design,” or SHED. It’s also called SHED because it’s basically just a shed.
“You should smile more” --- To remedy my resting bitch face, I am going to pull my lips apart with duct tape so that I will have a permanent smile.
"Fyre Fight": An anticipatory look back at the time-wasting Fyre Fest content wars of 2019.
10. U: Used by moms in texts across the world. And candy hearts. And Prince. I love Prince. I would die 4 U.
You're enjoying this, aren't you? You’re the kind of person who kneads dough for an unnecessarily long time to be sure the yeasts can't escape.
“I’m not racist,” I say, laughing. “The first guy who sexually assaulted me was white.”
I’m sorry I climbed a utility pole outside during halftime to hang a handmade flag with my team’s logo.
9:07 PM: You wonder if you were actually the one who made the comment about the band name and have been replaced by an Adam Levine. You’re not sure.
In the event of a water landing, beneath your seat is a compartment that contains a credit card application in a waterproof pouch.
"Senior": You’re over 70 and must get your pills organized in that little plastic box with the SMTWTFS lids.