Over 15,000 funny articles by seasoned comedy writers and fresh voices. New humor articles daily. Featured | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories | Topics | Random | Submit an Article
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? / Not lately because you’ve been pretty cold. / Sex tonight?
While our aesthetic up until about mid-2016 was "cozy cabin," our current aesthetic is more like "amicably abandoned sanitarium."
Customers who dated Greg also purchased a 3-for-1 deal of Listerine and a year's supply of therapy.
My boyfriend made the reservation and the owner almost wouldn’t let us check in because my name is Janice.
Your most memorable characteristics of me were “those eyes” and “that body.” Newsflash, Rick: most women on this planet have eyes and a body.
8:00 p.m. --- Lunchtime! Wait, since when was it 8 p.m.? Have you not eaten anything today? Don’t panic. There’s a sleeve of Oreos on the table.
My parents got me this as a housewarming gift but I still live with them. Does this mean they want me to move out?
2. You thought your invitation to Megan’s bridal shower was coming, only to see two other women just Insta'd photos from the shower. What do you do?
Will my introvert get along with other introverts? Absolutely! Tenderly move them to a safe space for them to bond over their feelings or whatever.
Due to a new Harvard policy, your youngest son is unable to coast in on the coattails of a new building contribution. He ends up attending Reed.
So why don’t you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and let me rock your world? Blast me straight onto this salad bar’s garbanzo beans.
Froot Loops’ Toucan Sam is about as dreamy as tropical birds get. Father McGillicuddy had a much harder time wrapping his brain around this one.