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How many times have you seen this: some jerk starts trying to drink all the ocean water because they don’t want the fish to have it.
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
This was a lively place teeming with men who after a day of explaining Bitcoin to George Lucas on Twitter, knew that they would find love on a webcam.
Netflix: I’ve changed my order. I want what Hulu’s having, and I want it delivered first.
Q: Who’s more likely to be used in the event that a fire is desperately needed? Harry Potter: Definitely Jest. Infinite Jest: Me.
Princesses are always getting smooched and we can get kisses, too! And hey, if we're going through a dry spell, a frog's not the worst option.
Your client wants to suck the bone marrow out of your firstborn. What do you do? A. Respectfully ask that he reconsiders.
You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
If a stranger with a black eye winks at you on the street, that’s a surefire giveaway that your cats are pedalling human violence for profit.
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
I know that sometimes it seems like the world is unfair. But that’s why we invented language. These rules give structure to a chaotic world.