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The following are excerpts from the journals of Frank Malinowski, a men's room attendant from Queens, NY, who was replaced by a hand dryer.
When I returned home from the game show, I was ostracized by my peers - mocked, ridiculed, beaten. All because I failed to defeat Kirk Fogg.
It's not your fault. It's just the truth. I wish it weren't, really. I wish I wasn't handsome and wealthy. I wish my genetics weren't superior to yours in every way.
Batman is the best superhero out there. That said, I have made two discoveries involving Robin and the Clock King which have slightly lessened Batman's reputation in my mind.
By personalizing what they love most, men make something already special even closer. Not naming your penis is like forgetting to name one of your kids.
My mom decided my stress level was detrimental to my over all well-being, so she set me up with my first ever acupuncture session.
<p>So, it was late last night, and I had a paper that I didn't want to write and a midterm for which I didn't want to study. Naturally, I was IMing a friend and browsing YouTube when I was suddenly struck by the memories of some of the things that I fear most in life.
Yeah, I'm talking to you. You tool. You coward. You whelp. You - a guy in college - are going out with a high school chick. What. The. Fuck.
A long time ago, God realized he could put stuff on Earth. So he decided that the dinosaurs would have to worship him. How? By hatching his dinosaur son.
No man loves an idea better than laying back, stretching out, and relaxing the shit out of himself. And who better to teach you than a manly man's man?
<p>I want to meet the asshole who decided that an ill-fitting polo with pleated khaki pants would somehow be the outfit most conducive to a productive workplace. Then I want to give him a swift kick in the balls.</p>
Five simple ways to pick up a college chick, including the 'wounded puppy' and 'shove and help' techniques. Not to be attempted halfway.