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Why the hell does Columbus get a holiday? Hey, Columbus, you bastard, did you realize America was already discovered by the people living there. It didn't need discovering!
Dear Timothy Williams, we regret to inform you that your wish will remain just that: a wish. And wishes don’t come true, Little Timmy. Hey, life is unfair.
There's a new breed of Brazilian supermodel warriors who actually read and study something other than women's magazines--computer programming and existential thought to be precise.
HorseCock stripped down to his bare ass. Everyone at the house stopped partying to watch the spectacle. The practical joke was about to commence...
I think it's safe to say that agreeing to be the drummer for this Poison tribute band is easily one of the worst life decisions I've ever made.
How does dating work? Do they look for one guy they both find attractive, or two separate guys? What if one doesn’t find the other’s boyfriend attractive, can she object to sex?
I did it bitches. Set your iPods to "repeat" because I just meloded all over you with my first and last sweet techno beat, and am now announcing my retirement from the industry, effective immediately.
Don't be sucked in to a chastity cult that treasures their virginity. A virgin is a horrible, horrible thing to be. If you are a virgin, please stop being it.
Oh, I see you staring at me from the other side of this Starbucks, watching in heat as I seductively sip my double-mocha-frappa-chai-latte. The sex is imminent.
Unlike weed though, one hit of Salvia lets you know that you are a fragile being, and that it's about to fuck you harder than most prison inmates would.
Since by my estimate the average person has the intelligence of salad dressing, it shouldn't be a shock to see people do stupid things. But it never fails.
Thank goodness the Republicans nominated you, a WOMAN, as the vice presidential candidate! It’s such a relief to toss aside my personal beliefs and blindly follow you and John!