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If you did not bring the appropriate attire for slithering or clinging, please see me after the welcome circle for gloves and knee pads.
It is with great regret that we inform you that you are by far the worst applicant our university has ever seen.
If these walls could talk, they'd talk incessantly about themselves while never asking you any questions about yourself.
I don’t even have to hunt. I just wait to eat the animals when they’re already dead, easy. And guess what? Things are always dying.
What chance did this damaged little runt have against such a glittering squadron of unblemished beauties?
I'm a haunting and possessions professional with more than 125 years of experience facilitating jump scares, fever dreams, and thumps in the night.
Good. Don’t click the link. Now, a wild badger climbs through the break room window and makes a beeline for your unguarded computer.
Whoever wins announces total dominion over all of humanity and also, they get to go first the next round.
Tonight, if you have dedicated your life to anything other than archaic information, you’re gonna have a rough time.
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
"A true friend doesn’t complain that they can’t give you their hoodie because their undershirt has an old stain.” --Anonymous
Q: I don't seem to be getting any other emails besides the reply-all thread. Can you fix that? A: Great question! Again, sorry, but no.