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If your childhood is any indication of the type of childhood your offspring will endure (and it is), please consider abortion. It's a lot less painful.
The modern day summer isn't all MTV-sponsored fun and games anymore, it's a scramble for even the lowliest of summer jobs.
University Television brings you all the programming the other networks won't air. Like the Drinking Olympics, and bands that don't suck.
As an employee at Wenton's Fluorescents, you're worth your weight in watts! That's a lot of positive energy we can't wait to harness!
Don't know what your guy friends are talking about? Certain things they say don't make sense? Use this translation dictionary to get inside their heads.
It's not easy having a son who's the anti-Christ, but how can you not love your son? Grow up people, he's a CHILD for God's sake!
Everybody has that friend in college who is legendary. That central character in every good story who helps you avoid future bad decisions.
You think this is funny? How bout we fight outside and see who's face looks funny then? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply you're not ugly already.
You might not do ANYTHING for money, but there's a lot of fucked up shit I bet you would do. Shall we begin valuing your pain and suffering?
"Ever hear about that movie that gave me cancer? It did, you know. Believe."
Are black cats really bad luck? Do goths love Halloween as much as their trench coats? The answers may surprise and/or scare you.
Your true love sent you what? Ten lords a-leaping? You've got to be kidding. What's next, French hens and pipers piping?? ...Seriously?