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Those crashing car sensor lights that have been flashing in your side mirror for 12 miles now? That’s all me, man.
I really don’t want to be a burden, but would you mind coming to help me? Only if it’s on your way home from the office.
You probably know it as the royal insignia of Prince Cuddles from Planet Wuv, curator of the Garden of Rainbows and Dreams.
I’m a bit of a superhero, if you think about it. I’ve got all sorts of bottle openers on me at all times.
There’s no way you’re shouting “SEX ON THE BEACH, PLEASE” over the too loud music.
Remind yourself that you don’t even like Aperol that much and that everyone who says they do is probably lying, at least a little.
Find a wedge that’s been subjected to a sniff inspection by the Sotterraneo Talpa Cieca di Dicenzo (The Underground Blind Mole People of Dicenzo).
Just because I’m an essay collection does not mean you get to neglect a third of my chapters and count me toward your summer Goodreads goal.
From the grandiose giraffe to Anders, this guy that works out at the gym my girlfriend goes to. All life, great and small, depends on water.
Whenever the sincerity of my work is doubted, I always point to my author’s photo as evidence of a life lived.
You're in for a unique experience that's unlike every other boutique hotel's unique experience.
As my dearest mother used to say: "You can tell a lot about an apartment by their lobby’s bathroom."