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I didn't think much of it when we got a tip that the script was sitting in the bottom of a wastebasket in a Starbucks bathroom on Milwaukee Ave.
But you’re shit out of luck if you think one of these spider aliens is going to move unrealistically slowly, giving me just enough time to shoot it.
You started to leave my cap off, like it was no big deal.
Did you grow up in a modest house, or the suburbs, or a brownstone, or a symbolically dilapidated mansion?
Things were easier then. Parents were parents, children were children, and unlike today’s children, they didn’t grow into adults either.
Maybe you’ve wondered to yourself while mowing your lawn, “Hey, why isn’t my backyard shaped more like a shaft and two balls?”
What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for sending an email when your mental energy is devoted to teaching during a pandemic? I am.
To pull off the ruse, hook your David’s Bridal dress on one of the striated rocks protruding from the cliffside. Make sure it really snags and tears.
I also can’t seem to remember anything after the second act, which my therapist says is my brain’s way of protecting itself.
Good News: He has a graduate degree. Bad News: It's an MFA.
Uranus: It’s a planet, but you don’t have to mention every last one. Say, “Earth, Jupiter, Saturn, Venus, Neptune, Mercury, Mars, and so on.”
"I agree": How humiliating to spill coffee on your crotch. I know, right? I’m going to pretend I don’t see it.